Abuse Is one of those things we talk about often but when It comes to examining our own lives we are barely honest with ourselves. You might be an abuser or a victim of abuse. Shame Is probably the biggest factor that plays a role In admitting to either being abused or being an abuser. The world doesn’t take too kindly to people who are accused of abuse, I find this gives way to a lot of exaggeration and also there Is a bit of fear for the accused to then come out with their side of the story. I have found that In most cases where abuse occurs, especially physical abuse among adults details is hardly crystal clear. It mostly boils down to he say and she say.

The purpose of this piece Is to just highlight some ways one can be or might be currently a victim of abuse or someone might realize they are an abuser and were probably not fully aware of their actions. Either way, It could be helpful to someone.

There Is physical abuse. It Is more common, children often fall victim to this but It Is also present in adults. It then takes the form of domestic violence or physical assault. It Is probably the easiest to Identify because It leaves noticeable evidence. It’s defined as the Intentional act of causing Injury or trauma to another person by way of bodily contact. When two males engage In a fist fight for some odd reason It seems to be acceptable. It Is only If either party becomes unconscious that authorities may be altered or If Injuries require hospitalization and a police report is needed before admittance. Two women fighting Is also hardly a scene that most people would find disturbing. It Is almost as If this type of abuse Is acceptable because the power balance is somewhat equal. Attention Is mostly given to a man beating up or being aggressive to a woman. In recent years a light has been shone on the fact that men too can be victims of physical abuse by women.

Sexual abuse Is also another common one. Anyone who forcefully engages In a sexual act without the other person consent Is considered to have raped the person. Sometimes penetration might not occur, however other sexual acts have been Imposed on you and so the sexual assault still exists. The example would be being kissed, touched around your Intimate areas etc. There Is a thing called marital rape. Cultures that practice customs like Lobola, Dowry etc might not fully acknowledge marital rape. Modernity throws so many things at us that may lead one to be constantly torn between cultural or traditional definitions of what Is expected of a wife. If you feel you really have been violated you might not be able to address the matter with family. If you report your case and your husband Is arrested family might end up resenting you. It Is a conundrum most women still need to deal with In their daily lives.

Economic abuse. This Is basically a situation where one Intimate partner has control over his/her partner’s economic resources. This limits the person’s ability to take care of themselves financially and It forces them to depend on the other party for everything. One can be financially abused by their partner If he/she gains control over your finances and you still end up at their mercy. Often times we see or hear of people that have lost assets or who have had to drop out of school or just noticing there Is a change In lifestyle, not because they are incapable of working or whatever but because someone else has taken over their finances and they no longer have control over how their money Is spent.

Verbal abuse. Mostly bullying because one wants to be superior so they will achieve that by belittling others. It may include name calling, abusive anger. When a person just lashes out at you and you really have no idea why they are acting like that. Someone always threatening you or constantly giving you ultimatums. You are always being accused of something and you find yourself having to beg to be heard. Verbal abusers will often be very judgmental and will criticize you until you feel very self-conscious. You will eventually lose your inner peace.

Psychological abuse. This Is when a person subjects another person to behavior that may result In psychological trauma. Anytime someone brings up something that you might have said to them In confidence and uses It against you this Is them abusing you. Often times to win an argument people will really use your own words against you even though the two matters may be completely unrelated. Anyone constantly reminding you of your past mistakes or forcing you to accept a belief system you do not believe In. Anyone who does anything and then shifts the blame to you for something you did not participate In. Anyone who hits you then tells you It was your fault because you made them do It. The list is endless.

There Is abuse In the workplace where you are just not treated fairly. Discrimination is also common In workplaces. Being underpaid Is a form of abuse. Working overtime and not getting any compensation for It. A substandard working environment. Most employers are driven by the need to make a profit so they usually do not care about the employee so most manage to get away with It because of technicalities. If you do not do It there Is always someone else willing to work under the worst of conditions because they need the money. It does not make It right but It happens under our noses all the time.

Abuse Is often associated with situations of power Imbalance and abuse Is Inflicted as a way of tipping the scale. It takes a lot of courage to be able to walk away from abusive relationships. Many times we tell ourselves, “It will get better”, or “I can save them”, the reality Is not everyone can be saved. Always look out for yourself and allow yourself to be happy and In control of your life. Never make excuses for anyone or allow anyone to make you feel Insignificant. So long as you are still alive your life also matters!

Cynny’s Chateau

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Nigerians in South Africa
Nigerians in South Africa 10242 posts

We are about democracy, human rights, public opinion, political behavior, civil rights and policy aimed at improving the human condition, with a focus on African countries.

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